i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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