can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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