just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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