Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry alexinchains667 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(816): View more from Missouri

you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?

(636): View more from Missouri

you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?

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(205): View more from Alabama

I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.

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(541): View more from Oregon

There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.

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(772): View more from Florida

You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.

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(573): View more from Missouri

Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.

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(210): View more from Texas

I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.

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(330): View more from Ohio

Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"

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(607): View more from New York

And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)

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