I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
