well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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