Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
