Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
