I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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