Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
