i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
