i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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