So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
