its not stalking. its research.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
