TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
