alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
