I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
