I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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