I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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