dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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