It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
