Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
