Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
