His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
