Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
