I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
