K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
