did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
