I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
