I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
