remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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