Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
