i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
