they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
