Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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