i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
