Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
