she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we're making bets on your personal life
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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