I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
