I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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