just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
