The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
