the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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