dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
