god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
