Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
