I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
