Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
