i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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