she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
