textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
foreskin is a definite game changer
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
